Not You

While death and divorce are the most obvious grieving experiences, there are actually over 40 different loss events that can produce feelings of grief.  In fact, for the majority of us, our very first experience is a loss.  Our mothers go into labor, give birth to us, and what do we do?  We cry!  Why?  Because we were just birthed into a big, overwhelming world and it is scary!  Our entire familiar surroundings and behaviors changed in an instant, and now we have to deal with losing the safety and nourishment of our mother’s womb.

Other grieving experiences include moving, marriage, childbirth, injuries, sickness, and bullying.  I wrote my next song right after my 21-year-old brother was diagnosed with Diffuse Large Cell B-Cell Lymphoma in 2011.  I was grieving my brains out, terrified of what the future would bring, heartbroken that he would have to have surgery, a bone marrow biopsy, and chemotherapy at such a young age.  The very real possibility of losing him to cancer ravished my heart.

This song is called “Not You”.  I hope these words of my heart connect with the voice of yours. ❤

Not You

Please feel free to comment or share if you like these lyrics and can relate!  Also, I am available to schedule a complimentary Grief Recovery session with you if you are ready to heal your broken heart.  Click here to do so!

❤ Jennifer ❤

Paralysis of Analysis

Grief can fill our head questions, questions, questions: “What’s going to happen to me? What do I do now? Why am I feeling this way?!” … and on and on and on. It is also normal to start analyzing every detail of our loss, trying to find some missing piece that will “Ah ha!” us into magically feeling better.  I get it.  I’ve been there!

Unfortunately, these endless questions and in-depth analysis can keep us from healing. Many professionals out there, including myself, call this “the paralysis of analysis”. Well, surprise, surprise! The next song up in the Uprooting Grief lyric queue is “Paralysis of Analysis.” I wrote this around 2011, while I was trying to find my path and purpose and unknowingly carrying around TONS of unresolved grief.

Once again, if you like resonate with these words, please comment or share! We all have to navigate this crazy journey of life, and I have found through my work with grievers that we really do share similar emotions and experiences. Let’s keep the connections going! ❤

Paralysis of Analysis

Click here for more information on Grief Recovery and how it may help you!

On The Fence

Grief can often feel like a double-edged sword or catch-22.  We look one way, and don’t see a solution.  We look the other way, and can’t seem to find one there either.  It can seem like an overwhelming battle at times–one that feels like it will never end!

I have recently been inspired to take a new approach to my blog writing.  I have dreamed of being a singer/songwriter since I was a little girl, and now I am going to take this opportunity to share some of my song lyrics with you!  MANY of these songs were written during times of grief and loss for me.  It was the safest way I knew how to express myself.

Below is my next song, “On The Fence”.  If you like these lyrics, please feel free to comment on them or share them!  I very much want to reach and connect with as many hurting people as possible. ❤

Please reach out to me here if you relate to this song and are ready to find healing and freedom from your pain!

How Do I Hurt?

When I launched Uprooting Grief nearly 3 years ago, I intended to regularly write an informational blog.  Recently, I have been inspired to take a different approach to my blog writing–I will be re-imagining my dream of music and songwriting by sharing some of my songs and lyrics!

In 2013, I obtained my Bachelor’s Degree in Music with a Vocal Performance focus from the Musicians Institute in Los Angeles.  I worked very hard for years afterward trying to build a career for myself in music.  During that time, I also carried with me tons of unresolved grief and even reached the point of giving up on my music dream altogether.

While I have decided to pursue a different career path at this time in my life, music and singing will always be an important part of me.  Many of the songs I will shared were written in the depths of my grief and personal struggles.  Some have music and melodies attached to them, and others have not yet been turned into songs.

Below I have included my first composition, “How Do I Hurt?”

How Do I Hurt

If you were moved by these lyrics, please comment with your thoughts.  I would love to know how it resonates with you!

Also, if you are ready to complete the pain, isolation, and loneliness you have been feeling after your loss or losses, it would be my honor and joy to walk you through The Grief Recovery Method®.  Click here to get in contact with me about scheduling your first Grief Recovery session.  Healing, relief, and a fuller life are yours for the taking.  You deserve it!

I Got Laid Off…

laid off

I got laid off Tuesday, and am still experiencing a bit of numbness and shock.  After finishing up an introductory session with a new Uprooting Grief client that morning, I noticed I had a missed call and unread voicemail.  Turns out, the Human Resources manager at the company I worked for called to let me know that sadly, I was a part of the most recent group of personnel cuts.  I felt a tightening in my gut and a pain in my chest as the words sunk in.  I was, and still am, experiencing feelings of grief.

The company I worked for was Fanatics, the sports apparel warehouse located in North Las Vegas.  My youngest brother is currently employed there full-time and recruited my brother, Mom, and I to work with him for the holiday peak season.  As soon as I joined the Fanatics team, 4 out of five Hertberg’s worked there.  On my second day, I met my current boyfriend and we immediately began pursuing a romantic relationship.

The first two weeks were a painful adjustment.  Working four, very physically-active, 10-hour days in a row, shift starting at 6:30 in the morning, brought with it intense, full-body aches and pains as well as sleep deprivation and gastrointestinal issues.  I had never pushed my wounded, healing body that hard before.  It was immensely stressful.

Soon thereafter, peak season went into full-swing and I was required to work 50- and 60-hour weeks.  Sustaining that pace of working and living for over two months pushed me  beyond my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual limits.  On top of that, I arrived at work everyday before sunrise and left after sunset, had an abundance of holiday events going on outside of work, including a very important extended-family reunion, my gastrointestinal issues continued to get worse, and my budding new relationship needed nurturing.  Now, looking at it all written-down, I am amazed I didn’t completely lose my mind!

Near the end of peak season, my family and I were shocked and devastated when my oldest brother got laid off.  I really enjoyed working alongside my family, and he in particular was greatly loved and valued by all who worked there.  The next day, my side-swept cumulative grief and exhaustion of the last few months and holiday season, on top of watching my brother get let go, lead to an overwhelming and intense emotional release.  I would use the phrase “nervous breakdown” to paint a better picture of what was happening with me, but I hate using those words for the simple fact that grievers, myself included, are not broken and don’t need to be fixed.

The Grief Recovery Handbook® defines grief as the normal and natural reaction to loss.  It is also the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.  Death and divorce seem like the most obvious losses, but there are more than 40 life events that can produce feelings of grief.  Unresolved grief is almost always about things we wish we’d said or done differently, better, or more.  It is also about the unrealized hopes, dreams, and expectations we had for the relationship.

I believe it is very important for me to practice what I preach.  Since first taking the Grief Recovery 8-Week Support Group Class back in 2014, I have the used The Grief Recovery Method® over a dozen times to work through various losses.  For the next part of this blog, I’m not going to teach you how to use The Grief Recovery Method®, nor am I going to follow it completely, but I am going to use it as a guide to help me express some of what has been emotionally unresolved within me since being let go from Fanatics.  I hope these expressions of my heart connect with yours in some way.

There are three main things I need to forgive Fanatics for:

  1. I need to forgive Fanatics for requiring me, my family, and friends to work a brutal schedule of overtime without sunlight for days on end.  I felt sad that I had to participate in holiday events outside work exhausted and worn down. I felt angry so much was being asked of me and my family members.  I felt embarrassed with how much I struggled to maintain a positive attitude and physical health.  I felt scared of what might happen to me and my relationships as a result of working so hard.
  2. I need to forgive Fanatics for laying off my brother.  I felt devastated when I heard he would no longer be working with us.  He had worked incredibly hard and was so loved by all his coworkers.  I felt angry that he was not valued more by the company and that once again, he would stress over looking for new work.  I felt scared that my work wouldn’t be enough to keep me employed, especially since my brother was such a superstar employee.
  3. I need to forgive Fanatics for laying me off.  I feel angry that I wasn’t valued enough to be kept on as a full-time employee.  I feel scared wondering how long it will be until I have steady income again.  I feel sad that I will no longer see my new friends every week.  I feel embarrassed that I wasn’t able to measure up to the type of permanent worker they were looking for.

I also need to apologize for a few things:

  1. I wish I had done a better job taking care of myself outside of work, so I could perform at my best while at work.
  2. I need to apologize for resenting Fanatics when they decided to layoff my brother; even when he and I knew we both were hired as seasonal employees.
  3. I need to apologize to my coworkers and new friends for failing to show them my appreciation and love before it was too late.

Thirdly, I need to express my appreciation:

  1. I need to thank Fanatics for giving me the opportunity to make some very good money over the holiday season.  I really appreciated the gifts they handed out, as well as the savings I was able to build because of the mandatory overtime I worked.
  2. I also need to thank Fanatics for the new family it gave me.  I will always fondly remember and respect the friends I made and the coworkers who worked through the peak season trenches with me.  Of those new friends and family, I am most thankful to Fanatics for introducing me to my wonderful boyfriend.
  3. Most importantly, I need to thank Fanatics for the great opportunity to work alongside my family.  My bonds with them are stronger and deeper because of it.

Finally, I need to say goodbye to any hopes, dreams, and expectations I had for my future with Fanatics.

  1. I hoped to get hired on as a full-time employee, and dig deeper into building loving relationships with my coworkers and superiors.
  2. I dreamed of climbing the ladder of leadership with the company, building a career, and hopefully utilizing my MBA to serve sports fans around the country.
  3. If I were to be laid off from my seasonal position, I expected that I would have the dignity of being let go face-to-face, that I might have a chance to say goodbye to my friends and exchange contact information.



Moving forward from this loss, I have decided to work towards alleviating another source of grief in my life.  Over the last few weeks, I’ve felt as though my decision to work hourly jobs has been based on fear.  I feel like I haven’t given God the chance to provide for me by pursuing my Uprooting Grief practice full-time.  In recent reflections, I found that if I didn’t step out boldly and give my Uprooting Grief practice the chance to succeed, I would greatly regret it.  I believe I would disappoint and sadden the people who have loved and invested in me, wanting success for me and healing for those I will help.

So, as of now, I have decided to dedicate my efforts to building my Uprooting Grief practice and serving grievers in the Las Vegas community.  I know there are many, many hurting people who desperately want to get their life back, and I want to be there for them when they want and need some guidance.  I hope that you will partner with me to bring hope and healing to our community.   There are a few small things you can do to help me get the word out:

  1. You can share this blog, or any of my other blogs on this website, on your social media pages, through email, etc.
  2. You can let your loved ones know that this 8-week support class is available to help them when times get rough, and that they can 100% expect to feel better after completing it.
  3. Finally, you can like my Facebook page and stay up-to-date on upcoming group classes and special events.

I would also love to hear how you think I can use Grief Recovery to bring healing to our community!  I am only one, small person, and I can’t reach everyone.  But if I can help one despairing person recover and find joy in their life again, all the hard work I’ve done to heal my pain will have been worth it.

Who Is Responsible? Personal Thoughts On The #MeToo And #Kavanaugh Cases

Women vs Men


I hesitate to say anything in response to the #MeToo movement and the #Kavanaugh hearings, but I feel my viewpoint and feelings are important and need to be put into the pile of “thoughts”.


While I am not yet going to disclose the details of my experience, because I do not feel ready nor do I feel it will truly benefit anyone yet, I am going to say that I have experienced sexual trauma. One of the fall-outs of my experience was a deep feeling of war between men and women. I wanted to have power over men and feel superior to them.  A very common result of having a victim mentality.  As a result, I manipulated and used them, without much regard for their feelings, needs, or desires.  Sound familiar?


As a heterosexual female, this feeling, urge, reaction, whatever you want to call it, hurt me far more than it did me any good. I dream of having a family one day, and treating men like they owe me something has not exactly made for the healthiest and happiest of relationships.


I also fell into the other side of post-traumatic thinking and believing that it was my fault. This belief has been the one I have clung to and internalized the most in recent years. There were many things I could have done to help myself, and I was too scared to do many of them. I struggle with being my own abuser and shamer now.


In the last few years though, I have begun to find another path of thinking and believing. I started to listen to men share their stories of why they acted the way they did and how greatly they struggled with shame, fear, and a desperate sense of emptiness and disconnection. I found a great deal of freedom and healing when I realized that many of them felt similarly to how I did.


Then, the war stopped. It was no longer a matter of us vs. them (women vs. men). So many of these men were just as sexually broken as me and other women I have shared experiences with. My eyes were opened. This was far more than simple accountability and injustice, this was an epidemic of sexual sickness and spiritual brokenness. Almost no man or woman left unaffected.


So, when I see all the conflicting posts supporting one side or the other (Men need to learn their lesson! …. Boys will be boys! …. Making mountains out of molehills! …. Down with the patriarchy! … etc.) it does not help me to maintain the healthy and healing thought patterns and beliefs I have worked so hard to find. In all of these sexual assault cases, no one wins and everyone is left with wounds–whether seemingly deserved or not.


I don’t want to hate men, and I certainly don’t want to fall back into a victim mentality and sense of entitlement. I don’t want to reawaken the terrifying rage I have inside towards myself and the persons that traumatized me. I don’t want to live everyday like I am fighting a war anymore. None of that actually helps me heal. What does help me heal and find peace is working toward a solution for both sides.


Alleged male sex offenders, as well as convicted sex offenders, need healing just as badly as the people they have victimized.  If a woman accused you of a sexual offense, wouldn’t you want to be treated as “innocent until proven guilty” and not immediately made out to be the enemy of womankind? Imagine what it must feel like to carry around the weight, condemnation, and shame of being labeled an abuser. Wouldn’t you want to still be seen and treated like a human being? Wouldn’t you want to believe that redemption and forgiveness are available to you too? Wouldn’t you want to know that it were possible to have healthy relationships with women again and that you weren’t “damaged goods”?


Obviously, I am not advocating that people (men and women) NOT be held responsible for their actions and face appropriate consequences. What I AM advocating for is rehabilitation, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, and freedom for ALL who have been affected by this epidemic of sexual and spiritual brokenness–whether abused or abuser.


Let’s be real: Every single one of us has been abusive to someone in some way–verbally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sexually. None of us are without blame. That is the reality of the human condition. We all have fallen short, and the best news of all, is that we can all heal and grow no matter what we have or have not done in the past. We don’t need anyone else to be condemned, we don’t need anyone else to validate our pain, and we don’t need to go to war with our abuser(s)/accuser(s) in order to find that healing.


My healing didn’t truly start until I realized that becoming restored to a sense of wholeness had absolutely nothing to do with anyone else’s thoughts, decisions, or actions.  It was all about me, my thoughts, my decisions, and my actions.  While I may not be responsible for the loss and trauma I experienced, I alone am responsible for recovering from it and healing.

Emotional Weight-Lifting


There is no doubt about it, grief is heavy.  The Grief Recovery Handbook® defines grief as the conflicting mass of emotions following a significant emotional loss.  I don’t know about you, but I can certainly recall many times my grief has felt like a ton-weighing mass taking up space in my gut and head.  It still baffles me how emotions can feel so heavy!

As I have used The Grief Recovery Method® to unravel the mass of grief inside me, I have discovered that one emotion in particular weighs much heavier on my mind and gut than others.  That emotion is regret.  Nothing can take me down or break my heart like regret.  Why?  Because regret is all about me.  No one outside myself can do or say something that I feel regret over.  Regret is 100% about my actions or inactions.

What behaviors and such have I found bring me regret?  I regret the compliments I never gave, the boundaries I didn’t lay, the chances I didn’t take, and the pain my shortcomings caused.  I regret not showing more appreciation for a person’s kindness, not making more time for my loved ones, not owning up to my wrongs, and for wasting time and energy on things that don’t matter.  Most of all though, I regret not loving and caring for myself better.  I regret all those nights I went to bed without brushing my teeth, the sunscreen I didn’t wear, the rest I didn’t prioritize, and the pints of ice cream I binged on.  The thing that hurts the most about not better loving and taking care of myself is that I feel I failed to honor the people who love and care for me.

One of my favorite motivational quotes is, “Discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons” – Jim Rohn.  I love this so much because I have experienced the validity of its practical application.  Sucking up my laziness or pride and taking disciplined action does require some discomfort and effort, but it is nothing compared to the discomfort of avoiding the action and later feeling regret.  Even thought the emotions of regret can be soul-crushing, I do believe they contain an important silver-lining.  Once I was able to recognize the behaviors and attitudes, or lack thereof, that brought me regret, I could make the decision NOT to do those things again.  Nothing has been a more effective motivator for changing my harmful behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes than the pain of regret.  If that isn’t a silver-lining, I don’t know what is!

So how do any of us really learn and grow?  The pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change.  Sadly though, somewhere in our lives, the majority of us have learned that pain is bad and must be numbed or relieved at all costs.  One needs to look no further than the endless advertisements on television for pain-relieving goods and services.  I think it’s pretty safe to say that we humans are not big fans of pain (masochists being the exception).  Seems like we would much prefer comfort, denial, or self-righteousness.  You may think that’s pretty harsh, but I know it is true.  I actually find it funny that so many people spend endless energy campaigning for change, yet when that change comes, they run as far from the pain and discomfort as possible!  I’m chuckling to myself just thinking about it!  Humans are nothing if not humorous.

If you can find the courage to look at yourself, face your regrets, and embrace the resulting growing pains, I know that you will find yourself stronger, more confident, and wiser than before.  Fears will disappear and a new fire for life will burn inside you–at least that’s what I have experienced.  When you are ready, Uprooting Grief and The Grief Recovery Method® will provide you a safe and supportive environment where you can use the correct information and tools needed to make your personal transformation a reality.  I have not seen the process fail yet!  So, I do hope you will take a deep breath, stop resisting the beneficial growing pains found in facing your regrets, and get excited for how awesome you are going to be when you come out the other side. ❤